Personal Life Coach for Women

Christian life coaching principles of interest to women

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Location: Cary, North Carolina, United States

MDiv, CBC, Certified Christian Life Coach

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Renew Your Thinking, Renew Your Life

On the first day of a new year, we make all kinds of resolutions about things that we are going to change and do differently. While all of our intention and effort is certainly good and noble, maybe it's a little backwards in it's approach. Maybe we are getting the cart before the horse. Rather than behaving our way into change, maybe we need to re-think our way into personal success!

Why do I say this? Many years ago, James Allen wrote the very popular book, "As A Man Thinketh." In this book he states, "All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts." That's a very powerful statement! We are as far in life as we are because of our thoughts. In fact, a person can never act outside of their beliefs. If you want to change your behavior, you must first analyze it backwards. You have to go back to what you believe, because what you believe determines what you think about; and ultimately what you think about affects your emotions. Once your emotions get involved behavior soon follows. If you believe a lot of things that are not true, your emotions and behavior will ultimately reflect that!

I believe James Allen was probably influenced by the Apostle Paul. Paul wrote in the 12th chapter of Romans (NIV Bible), "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing your mind." Basically Paul says you if you want to be transformed then renew your mind. What does it mean to have your mind renewed? Actually the word renewal or renewing here means “being made over”. It's like having a mental make-over, if you will. Do you want to achieve a desired behavior? Then you must first change how you think. If you change your perspective, the way you think about things, you will change your life. Renew your thinking, renew your life! You and I could sure use an extreme makeover of our thoughts daily!

You may be saying to yourself, “I still don't see what all of this have to do with New Year's resolutions?” It's very important because, on any given day, all kinds of negative thoughts and destructive self-talk assaults your mind. Did you know that most people entertain about 600 negative thoughts a day? That's a lot of negative influence! That's a lot of pressure that’s fighting good intentions. In fact most of us, by the age of six, have learned enough trash to mentally do us in for life. We have learned all sorts of lies that our society, friends and families have told us or modeled for us. These lies have become recordings that play non-stop in our sub-conscious minds. We adopt them as true and they become the life message and creed that we live by, almost unconsciously.

For example, what happens to your resolve to loose weight, when you get into a fight with your spouse? In a split second, after the yelling, you are pulling food out of the refrigerator and binging. Where did that come from? You just reacted without giving it a thought. Then you rationalize, "Well, I'm not good at dieting anyway so why bother” and you throw in the towel. What happened to your resolve?

I believe if we want renewal, or being made over in our life, we are going to have to do some introspection. What do I really believe? If food is the issue, what is my perspective about food and why do I turn to it? How do I view myself in the first place? Most importantly, what is the truth that I should believe? What does God think about me?

Not long ago, one of my clients did want to get a handle on her eating. She had undergone gastric bypass surgery and had lost a tremendous amount of weight but her eating habits had not changed. I thought it was an unusual coaching request, but why not? If I really believed that people acted out of their beliefs, then why wouldn't it work here? So we began to examine why she was eating in the first place. She had devalued her self-worth because of some abandonment issues from her past. Her eating was a form of self-love and comfort. So, she made a conscious decision to reject the lies that she had believed about her value. She began to believe the truth that God could not only change her, but loved her unconditionally on a personal level. She was determined to challenge her negative thinking patterns, especially the way she thought about herself. She began to talk to herself (faith comes by hearing) and tell herself the truth. She would write love notes to herself from God and daily affirmations on her mirrors. She would tell herself the truth over and over. She would consciously become aware of her negative thought patterns in various situations and work on changing her self-talk. She began to visualize herself as loved, valued and healthy. My client was renewing her mind, just as the Apostle Paul had said. Her change did not happen overnight, but I did see her change. She began to be transformed before my eyes because she began to believe the truth! She experienced tremendous changes in her eating habits and desires.

When it comes down to it, resolve and commitment are great, but if we don’t take the time to discover why we do the things we do, we might as well just keep repeating history. We don’t need to reform the old as much as we need to walk out our new identity as believers! If you will take the time to change your thinking, you will change your life. Renew, or makeover your thinking with the truth, and you will ultimately renew your emotions and most importantly your quality of life. It is really true that our life will go in the direction our thoughts take us.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

What Is In Your Hand?

Sometimes we want to do or be something great or grand in life. We want to make or leave our mark in this world, and yet, it is often the small things done in great love that have changed the world. The small things we do on a daily basis, the gifts we use, simple acts of kindness we perform do add up. They do make a difference. As Mother Theresa once said, "we can do no great things; only small things with great love." Do you believe that small things done in great love will change the world? I do.

Remember the story of the Exodus? God had just announced to Moses that he is the one selected to rescue his people from the harsh rule of Pharaoh. Moses is completely stunned and argues that God has somehow made a terrible mistake. Who me? Wait a minute! Have you heard me speak? Have you forgotten? I don't speak very well, but more importantly, what if they don't believe me. The Lord's response back to Moses was in the form of a question. "What's in your hand"? Moses had a rod in his hand. Basically the Lord told him to use what he had in his hand. He asked him to throw the rod on the ground and it became a snake. The rest is history. Moses was willing to use what he had. You see, I believe Moses had to use what was in his hand before God would release what was in His. What's in your hand? Are you using what's in your hand?

What about the time when Jesus asked his disciples to feed a multitude of five thousand people and they basically in so many words said “with what”? All they had were a few fish and barley loaves. Yet Jesus took what they had fed a multitude of people and even had leftovers!

Are you waiting for a miracle? Ever considered you may be part of it? God is waiting for you to do your part. Waiting for your special break, your moment in the spotlight? Waiting for everything to line up in your situation or circumstances before you make your big splash? Do what you can today. What’s in your hand? Start where you are. Are you using what you have? Are you doing what you can today?

I read a great story in a book by Kim George about a developmentally challenged young man who had a job bagging groceries. He decided to cut up inspirational quotes and placed them in the grocery bags. Not only did it impact people, but long lines of people formed just to have him bag their groceries. Wow, who said a small act can't make a big difference? Who said a small act can't even lead to greatness?

What's in your hand my friend? What gifts do you possess? Are you using them? What simple act of kindness could you give someone today? What kind word or deed could you do? How can you make a difference in someone's life today with what you have to offer, with what’s in your hand? Don't be guilty of thinking the small things you do don't matter or count for anything. Use what’s in your hand. Do the possible and watch God do the impossible!

Monday, January 01, 2007

A Time For Wisdom


Nobody likes to be told what to do. My husband calls it nagging. Why is it that we are so often quick to give advice or suggestions how something should be done, but aren't real good at taking other's suggestions or viewpoints. When I look at my life I have to acknowledge that I am not always quick to take advice nor do I particularly enjoy others trying to give me their advice or opinion; however, if I am really honest, this is nothing more than pride. It's the attitude that I somehow know better or have it together!

One day a pearl of wisdom hit me right between the eyes. I was listening to a talk by Andy Andrews on this subject. He basically related that we have only gotten as far in life as our own wisdom and decisions have carried us. So here's the thing, if you aren't happy with your life or are dissatisfied with your progress, could it be because your own limited understanding, thinking and experitse have taken you there? Think about it. You are as far in life as your own wisdom has carried you!

As I think about this New Year I realize that what I need is not more resolve or resolutions. What I need is more wisdom. My own wisdom or lack of it has often failed me. I believe the writer of Proverbs says it so well…

"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." (Proverbs 13:10 - NIV)

"For waging war you need guidance and for victory many advisors." (Proverbs 24:6 - NIV)

True wisdom says somebody else might know more or do something better than me. A wise person is one who is open to suggestions and advice. A wise person is one who is open to objectivity and not just to the limits of their own subjectivity. Maybe the questions we need to ask ourselves are not just how can we do this better but what can we learn from others who have gone before us and are doing it successfully.

What about the weaknesses that we are not in touch with, the things that are glaring for everyone else except us? Many people that we rub shoulders with on a daily basis, our friends, colleagues and family, often know us better than we know ourselves. What would it be like to ask a trusted friend or colleague what they think our weaknesses and strengths are or what we could improve? That might be a frightening proposition to you. Take a risk. You might learn something about yourself that you weren't in touch with.

During the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln got into a dispute with his Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton. Lincoln had signed an order to transfer a regiment of soldiers from one battlefield to another. Stanton refused to comply with the orders and called Lincoln a "fool". Lincoln's response was very interesting. Rather than getting angered or stubbornly maintaining his position, he responded, "If Stanton said I'm a fool, then I must be one. He is nearly always right in military matters. I'll step over and find out what his reasoning his." Not only did President Lincoln listen to good advice and wisdom, but he prevented a military disaster from occurring.

Let me encourage you in this New Year to be a person who is open to wisdom. I believe wisdom is the roadmap to success. Why spend frustrating hours attempting to do or accomplish something only to have it fail. Ask God for wisdom. Seek it out. Learn all you can. Become a student. Ask others for their counsel. Seek out a mentor or two. If you will become a person who desires wisdom, you will not only have more victories and successes in your life, but will no doubt avoid some major pitfalls and wrong turns that you simply do not need to take!