Personal Life Coach for Women

This Christmas

2008-12-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

by Jackie Dove-Miller

Remember when you were a child
And you waited impatiently
While The days til Christmas
Poked along, Forcing you to
Be good day after day
So Santa would come
Your way On Christmas day?
Remember your anticipation…
Absolutely no relaxation
The night before?
Couldn’t eat
Couldn’t sleep
Forever trying to take
One peek at the gifts under the tree
With your name?
Wasn’t that just the best?
Something to remember
For the rest of your life!

But, Growing older, we learned
That the true gift of Christmas
Is God’s great love unearned
The purchase price- the life of his son.
Christ’s birth was met, I’m willing to bet
With the same anxious waiting
By those who knew he was
Coming just for them.

But, somewhere within
Christmas lost its true meaning
Prompting a wise-cracking writer
To facetiously to pen,
“Whoever dies with the most toys wins!”

“Whoever dies with the most toys…
Wins.”

What a cynical editorial on
Modern man’s sin
Of gluttony and heedless collecting
Of things.

What the writer means without saying
Is that we live as though laying up treasures
Will win Our seat in Heaven.
But it won’t.
And if we don’t open our eyes
And stop telling ourselves lies
About what it means
To live Christmas
The writer’s true point will be
“Whoever dies, dies.”
For Christ’s promise will be empty:

I came so that you might have life
And have it more abundantly. John 10:10

But storing up toys doesn’t increase our joy
It just adds more stuff to our stink.
Unlike the gifts of today
God’s gift wasn’t for play
Or show
Or to throw away once all the sweetness
Is chewed away.
God’s gift was His son…
The only one
Whose life promised life
Once we’ve begun to follow His lead.

Christ brought new ideas
To a stagnant world
The notion that what is good
and right and just
Means more than man-made laws
He showed human-kind the awe and splendor
Of beauty and truth
Explained that faith, not proof
Is all that is necessary for those
Who are called.

And we are all called…
To a life of abundant joy.

So gifts under the tree
May bring child-like glee
But not substance
Nor the assurance
Or the abundance
That Christ as more
In our lives would bring.
More Christ would mean we
Love more, care more, share more,
Live more fully in our spirit-selves;
Give more purely from our spirit-selves.

An abundant life then, one might say
Is to live as though
Christmas is everyday.
Now, that would be the best gift to give
The promise to live knowing
Christ’s example is showing through us.
The exaltation and jubilation of Christmas
Past Would fill our interactions
From day to day
And we would know
Wherever we go that love and joy and
The promise of good cheer
Would greet us at each opening door.

So if hoarding gifts were really a competition
It would be more evident then
That for us to win…
Christ is a Must.

So here is the message this Christmas to send:
Whoever dies with the most Christ within… wins.

The Gift That Keeps Giving

2008-12-05T15:09:00.000-05:00

It seems almost impossible that another year has come and gone and yet it has. Already I feel myself pulled in to the Christmas rat race. Will I get it all done and a host of other thoughts swirl around in my head. How can I spend less, cut corners, etc. etc? How sad that Christmas has become about a to do list, shopping, finding the perfect gift, parties and a host of other things that so so easily distract and consume our time, energy and resources. Many this year feel the pressures and weight of it all because of economic hardships and difficulties.

When you think about it, the greatest gift given did not come in a dollar bill or as an expensive present. It came in the form of a human baby. God took on human flesh so mankind could come up close and intimately experience God with “skin on.”

Could it be that the most important gift that you and I can give this Christmas or any season is really the same kind of gift, the gift with “skin on”? While gifts, toys and trinkets are nice and we all like them, the truth is the most precious gift we can offer our family, our children or our friends is the gift of ourselves.
No gift, card or present will ever replace you! The truth is you matter, your presence matters. What you have to give really does make a difference. People want to experience the “real you” and not a substitute.

So this Christmas, rather than worrying about the “perfect gift” or how you can cut corners, why not give the gift that keeps on giving - the gift of you! Be a gift with “skin on” to someone who could use a special touch this holiday season. Give away some of your time and talents. Give from your heart. Give your love away. Be generous. I believe you will discover that the gift of “you” is always the perfect gift, never out of style and always just the right size. It really will be the gift that keeps giving!

A New Perspective

2008-11-18T15:22:00.001-05:00

Major life events always have a way of waking us up to what really matters the most to us. I woke up Sunday morning only to be greeted by the news that a tornado had caused massive damage in the middle of the night to a town 35 miles southeast of where I live. That’s getting rather close! What if it had been my neighborhood? It was only a county away. Talk about getting a new perspective on life!

These days with all that is happening in the news around us and the economy we are all being challenged about our "perspectives." One could easily agree with Charles Dickens that these are “the best of times and the worst of times.” I guess it depends on what side of the fence you are on and more importantly how you view it!

As a certified life coach, I am profoundly aware that life is about perspective. It really does matter how you view or see things. You might say one will go only as far in life as their perspective will take them. What’s your perspective on life? Is the glass half empty of half full with you? Is your focus constantly on your problems or what’s wrong or missing in your life, or on what’s right about your life and what you have to be grateful for? It really does matter how you view things.

A man who had lost his job and was suicidal called his minister and told him that because he had lost his job he was suicidal. The minister’s response was – “Can you walk? Can you talk? Can you see? Well, I figure you have just about everything. You have only lost a job.” Talk about perspective! After the damage had been done in this recent tornado, one man made a very profound statement. His statement came after observing that one half of his house was flattened by the tornado while the other half has been destroyed by a tree. It's hard to believe, it's hard to take in," Stephenson said but "We've got our lives and our health, so we're good to go.” We’re good to go- now that’s perspective! I believe this man’s perspective will no doubt help him to make it in the days ahead.

If our life flows from our perspective and I believe it does, then maybe we could all learn a few things from the courage and heroic lives of others like Mr. Stephenson. Things may not be great or as we would like them but as long as we are living and breathing we are “good to go.”

Andy Andrews, motivational speaker and author, recently wrote an article on hope. I believe he says it best. Andy shares some of his own personal struggles of losing his home to a hurricane and other major life events. “Even in the worst of times, I must remember that I am still breathing. If I am still breathing, that means that I am still here. If I am still here, that means that I have not completed what I was put here to do. If I have not completed what I was put here to do, that means that my very purpose has not been fulfilled. If my very purpose has not been fulfilled, that means that the most important part of my life has yet to be lived. If the most important part of my life has yet to be lived, then it doesn't really matter how old I am or how broke I am, how long I've tried or how depressed I might be ... Here, at last, is proof that the best part of my life is ahead of me! Without a doubt, there is more laughter to come, more success in my future… there is more” Now, that my friend is quite a perspective, and better yet, a great way to live!

Why Your Choices Matter

2008-11-10T17:49:00.001-05:00

When you woke up this morning, you made several choices about how your day would go before you even left your house. You decided whether to eat breakfast or not. You decided what to wear. Just a few decisions about getting up or not getting up, eating or not eating food, could affect your whole day. Our choices both small and large really do matter. In fact, every decision matters.

Sometimes we think our choices really don’t matter, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth! For example, what you decide today about education or lack of it, the friends you associate with or don’t associate with, who you will marry and a host of other decisions could affect your entire future! When we don’t believe our choices matter we become passive and unintentional with our lives. We let others decide for us and then we wonder why we have problems and difficulties.

In reality, the greatest thing you and I possess as humans is the ability to decide or to choose. We not only get to choose a number of things about our external world- what to wear, where to live, what to drive etc. but we also have choices about our internal world- our thoughts and attitudes. Those that realize the importance of their choice with their inner world, are the ones who have the greatest opportunity to succeed in life. They are using the greatest gift they possess- the power of choice.

We have been blessed by our Creator with a free will. What that means is we have more power than we realize. Even when circumstances are beyond our control, we still have a choice on how we will respond to those events. Roberta Flack’s parents once said, “You can live in the circumstances but the circumstances don’t have to live in you.” It’s a choice!

It’s always a choice! No one can make you respond in a certain way. No one can choose your thoughts or how you will think about a situation but you! At the end of a day, you always have a choice with even what you do with the difficult situations of life. You can either grow through those circumstances, learn from them and become a stronger and better person, or shut down and become bitter and angry. It’s always a choice!

To say that you have no choice is not only the ultimate blame game but it is not a very good way to live! The person that says they have no choice in the matter somehow believe they alone have been singled out and picked on by life. As long as it is someone else's fault or I can blame some circumstance then I do not have to take ownership or responsibility for my life.

The real freedom comes in life when we take ownership for our life and our own choices. We realize we are not a victim unless we choose to be.. We learn to use the one important thing we possess- our choice. We realize that our choices do matter and that one choice at a time, we can move ahead, we can grow, we can change and even succeed in this life.

I have a new video series including the Power of Choices at http://www.coachjanet.com

My Unhappiness is Someone’s Else’s Fault

2008-09-19T13:44:00.003-04:00

Most of us do want to be happy. The problem is that we are waiting for someone or some event to happen to make us feel better. We have bought into the lie that a person, a relationship or some external situation is responsible for our happiness or lack of it. If we are unhappy, it is because the planets are lined up correctly or someone else or an event or circumstance is to blame for our lot and our predicament. A person that thinks this way believes that’s the way it is and they might as well accept it. They believe they have no choice in the matter.

The problem with this kind of thinking is as long as someone else is responsible for my unhappiness then – quess what? I don’t have to take personal responsibility for my life. It becomes an excuse I can hide behind. I don’t have to take any kind of ownership of my life. I can just move out of the driver’s seat to the back seat of my life and wait for someone or some event to move me into happiness. Actually, what I have really done is play the blame game and hand over my emotional well-being to someone else.

The truth is you always have the ability to decide or to choose how you will respond to the events of our lives! The greatest gift we have been given is the ability to choose or to decide. You have been blessed with free will. That means you get to decide. You always have a choice in the matter. Even no choice is still a choice. When you and I come to that realization, it really can be quite liberating!

In all reality, no one can make you do anything or have that much power over you unless you give it to them. Plain and simple! Healthy and mature people take personal responsibility for their choices and their emotions! Dr. William Backus, a psychologist, expresses it best in his book “Telling Yourself the Truth.” “People don’t make you angry, sad, sick, - you allow yourself to be angry, sad, sick, or whatever the negative feelings you are experiencing. Indulging in temper tantrums is learned behavior. You learned how to throw temper tantrums and you can learn to stop.” A big amen to that!

So if the choice is yours that no one else can make you unhappy unless you allow them to, then I believe it is also true that no one else can ultimately make you happy either. That choice is yours to make. You can choose to be happy regardless of circumstances or the people around you. You can decide that no one else will rain on your parade. You can decide that you will get up and have a good day. Your lack of happiness is not someone elses fault! It is a decision that you make every day. Roberta Flack’s parents drilled into her as a child, “you can live in the circumstances but the circumstances do not have to live in you.” Great advice!

The good news is that you do have choices. When you and I realize that we do have choices and are not powerless in this life, life can really be exciting. We get a new sense of ownership about life and find greater joy and greater contentment. We get back into the driver’s seat and that’s a great place to be.

Risks and Rewards

2008-07-09T16:53:00.000-04:00

As a life coach, I have the privilege of helping women go after their dreams in life. That’s not always easy because sometimes to follow a dream or a heart passion, you have to leave the comfortable and familiar behind. Reminds me of the words the Lord spoke to Abram,
"Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." How many of us would drop everything, leave our family, our jobs, even our country to follow the call of God? Yet, Abram left, not knowing exactly where he was going, but with a promise that he would be blessed and all the nations of the earth would be blessed through him launched out to unknown. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't left? Certainly, history would have been written differently.

It seems to me that a life that is really worth living is a life that is willing to take some risks to leave the familiar, the safe and even the comfortable behind. Several years ago, my niece started graduate school and it was a huge step for her. It was huge because she totally left the familiar, her home, her state and her friends to embark on a new journey. She even had an apartment by herself in a strange town. My sister would tell me that those first months were rough with my niece calling and crying over the phone saying “what in the world was I thinking”? Ever been there? Fortunately, the end of this story is great one. I am proud to say that my niece not only graduated with her masters and top of her class, but totally loved her last two years there! It was a life changing experience!

The truth is, without risks there is really nothing gained. In 1992, Gail Devers ran 100 meters in 10.82 seconds to win the Olympic gold medal for the 100 meter dash. A year prior to this achievement, she could barely walk. In 1990, she was diagnosed with Graves' disease. During her radiation treatments, she received too much radiation and experienced serious side effects. In fact, the doctors told her that if she had walked two more days both of her feet would have been amputated. They immediately made some changes with her treatment and by March of 1991, she returned to the track. When she entered the Olympic track stadium in 1992, she prayed, "God, help me run the race of my life." God answered her prayer. "If you have a problem and you are about to give up," Devers said, "think of me". "Last year, I couldn't walk. Now, I've got a gold medal for running. The last three years of my life have definitely been a miracle."

Life is an incredible adventure and there are no doubt all kinds of provisions and miracles waiting for us, if we will just "carpe diem" (seize the day) and dare to step out into the unknown. Harry Emerson Fosdick said, "It is cynicism and fear that freeze life; it is faith that thaws it out, releases it, sets it free." Maybe you and I don't need to leave our country like Abraham did, but maybe we do need to get off the sideline of life and jump in, take a risk. When we dare to leave the familiar and comfortable behind, I believe we begin to live a life that is really worth living. When we step out in faith, all kinds of doors and opportunities open to us that we never dreamed possible. We can look back over our lives like Gail Devers and say, wow, didn't we experience the miraculous?!

Good to Great

2008-05-14T14:26:00.000-04:00

What a Mother’s Day I had!

I got to watch my eldest graduate with honors as a respiratory therapist. That’s a pretty good gift I would say. There are defining moments in life and certainly this is one for her. As I looked at those young people receive their diplomas and saw their excitement and heard their cheers I couldn’t help but think back to my own graduation. Where did all the years go? My thoughts quickly swirled through accomplishments and achievements, the missed opportunities and the “what ifs” of life. I couldn’t help but think ahead and wonder what’s next for them? Will this be the first of many achievements or will it be the last?

The commencement speaker had just given a good speech with excerpts from the book, Good to Great and challenged the graduates to reach higher in life. Why settle for a good life when you can have a great life? Did they really hear what she said? Did my daughter really hear? Do any of us really hear?

The longer I live I realize that time is precious and it truly is the one thing you can’t get back. What about you? Are you living the good life or a great life? I don’t know about you but I believe you and I were born for greatness!

Living Wisely

2008-03-07T22:53:00.001-05:00

As Spring approaches, many of us think about doing a little spring cleaning. It is great to knock off the cobwebs of winter and give our homes inside and out a face lift. I believe our lives could sometimes use a little face lift or tune up. The real definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. If you want something new, fresh or different in your life, you have to do something different. It’s amazing how often we expect different results by doing the same thing over and over.

Many of us resist change because we become immobilized by it. We see so much that needs to be changed that we don’t know where to start. The truth is we may be just simply lacking an idea. Maybe we don’t see all the possibilities and another person could help us think of angles or possibilities we had never thought of. I love what the writer of Proverbs says “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 If my own wisdom has gotten me thus far in life, there is no doubt that greater wisdom is needed!

Why go round and round in circles banging your head against the wall, when advice from someone wiser and with more experience might just be the answer? Find the person who is doing what you want to do in life or where you want to be and seek out their counsel. From starting a new business or career to financial planning, to just about anything, there are people who are not only doing it better but could no doubt help you to avoid some pitfalls.

Why not give your life a face lift this spring? I believe God has wisdom for us! If we seek Him and the wisdom of others, we will grow wise. “He who walks with the wise grows wise but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 Expand your circle of influence. Find someone who can speak into your life. Go to the library or bookstore and read all you can. Let the wisdom of the wise rub off on you. Give your life a new lift!

A Women Who Can

2008-02-10T22:56:00.000-05:00

a poem by Jackie Dove-Miller

I want to be a woman who can;
One who can go on after the pain,
Of being knocked down
Again and again;
One who can do the work after every hurt
To guarantee spiritual growth.
A woman who can get the valley’s lesson
So that I won’t have to spend time guessing
What God wants me, in my broken state, to see
And so I won’t have to claw my way out of that
same dark valley
More than once.

I want to be a woman who can take action.
Who knows what she wants and goes after it
Not wasting any more time waiting for things to happen
To me, around me, in spite of me.

I want to be a woman who can.
One who can see the positive
and recognize that, “Though weeping endures for a night…”
Much Joy can come with the light.
And though I am a woman who stumbles,
I can stop my fall
By taking one small forward step
Knowing that each tread takes me closer
To my sunrise
And the surprise of a new day.

I want to be a woman who can
Understand that some doors much close
And block my way
In order to still my ego,
Teaching me to “Let go, and let God”
Do His work in me.
And making me grateful that
“Things work together for good.”
So, each valley and each hill I can count as God’s will
To get me closer to spirit, and in that place,
Feel Him freeing me to be the person He wants me to be.

I want to be a woman who can
love herself, flaws and all.
Recognizing that perfection belongs only to God
And in humility, be at peace with me as His creation.
Then, I can be a woman who can
Release the past and move forward,
Who can forgive my shortcomings and my excesses,
My bad decisions and wrong turns
And create a positive vision for my future.

The Gift of You

2007-12-04T13:45:00.000-05:00

The Christmas season is upon us and for many the race is on to find the perfect gift.

Unfortunately, too often Christmas has become all about retail and the commercialism that so easily consumes us. As I ponder this very special time of year, I am reminded that the greatest gift given to you and I did not come in a dollar bill or as an expensive present. It came in the form of a human baby. God took on human flesh so mankind could come up close and intimately experience God with “skin on.”

When you think about it, the most important gift that you and I can give is the gift of ourselves. What your family, your children really want and need from you is not your money or the trinkets you give but you! The truth is no one can replace you. Even the internet and all of our savvy technology can not replace the human touch. You matter, your presence matters. What you have to offer matters. People want to experience the “real you” and not an imitation of someone else or a substitute.

So this Christmas, let me challenge you to give the gift that keeps on giving - the gift of you! Give of yourself. Give away some of your time and talents. Give your love. Give from your heart. Be a gift with “skin on” to someone who could use a special touch. The rewards and satisfaction for you and those around you will be unending. It really will be a gift that keeps on giving.

God bless you and make some wonderful memories with those you love this Christmas Season!

In Everything Give Thanks

2007-11-06T14:56:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving is the time we set aside as a nation to give thanks to God for all of our blessings. For others, this season will be a very sad season due to recent fires in California, and even closer to my North Carolina home, the recent fire at Ocean Isle Beach where seven college students lost their lives. Yet God admonishes us that “in everything to give thanks.” I find that when God admonishes us to do something it is because we are the ones who receive the ultimate benefit.

So, this month I want to talk about the benefits, if you will, of giving thanks. Let me encourage you to see your life from a different perspective.

In EVERYTHING give thanks because…..

Each of us stands on the shoulders of all who have gone before us. We are who we are and have what we have because of others. No man is an island. We are dependant on others. We had a meal today because farmers grew food for us. Thank God for a group of men and women called the Pilgrims who many years ago braved rough seas and rough living conditions so we could live in a land of freedom. Who has impacted or made a difference in your life? Whose shoulders do you stand on?

In EVERYTHING give thanks because….

Even the difficulties and hardships of life have made us who we are. You don’t get wisdom without going through some painful difficulties and challenges. You don’t know what true success is until you experience serious setbacks. One man born without arms and legs was asked if he would trade places with a man who had both arms and legs. His surprising response was “no way.” He was grateful not to have his limbs because it had afforded him the opportunity to experience God in such a profound way and opened doors to impact countless lives.

In EVERYTHING give thanks because…..

Gratitude changes you. It changes your perspective. You begin to have a broader outlook on life. Instead of the narrow focus on what’s wrong, you begin to see and appreciate what is right about your life. You begin to understand that life, relationships and even each new day are true gifts to celebrate and treasure.

In EVERYTHING give thanks because……

When you get down to it, what better way is there to live? The healthiest, happiest and wisest people on the planet are grateful people. What are you waiting for? Don’t wait for Thanksgiving. Get out your pen and paper and start focusing on your blessings today!

The Favored Life

2007-10-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

As life coaches, we talk a lot about how to become successful and how to get ahead in life. There is nothing wrong with strategizing and planning, but at the end of the day, as someone has wisely said, “one hour of favor is worth a lifetime of laboring.” What we really need is favor. When we experience favor, we find our lives are catapulted into a whole new existence.

How do we receive favor? I believe the writer of Proverbs makes it very clear. “Let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck. Write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”
(Proverbs 3:3-4)

1. “LET LOVE NEVER LEAVE YOU.” When you get down to it there is nothing more attractive than a loving person. Is your life marked by love? Do people feel genuinely loved and appreciated by you? Mary Kay Ash, founder of one of the largest home based cosmetics businesses, once said, “pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says make me feel important. Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.” As believers we should excel in this area. It should be our way of life. If you are a person that loves well, people will be drawn to you.

2. “LET FAITHFULNESS NEVER LEAVE YOU.” Several years ago I met a man at a Bible study by the name of Otis. At the time, Otis was the baker for the governor. Now, Otis did not become a baker overnight. Someone showed him how to bake in prison and he became the best he knew how to be. His faithfulness and dedication at a small thing not only won him acclaim and promotion within the prison but brought him before the governor. Small things done well can open the door for greater opportunities and promotions.

Want to live a favored life? Want to have favor with God and man?

Be a lover. Love and serve people well. In fact, why don't you make loving people your new specialty? Be faithful in the small things. Be the best at what you do no matter how small, insignificant or trivial if seems to you! Do it with all the enthusiasm, gusto and excellence you can give it. Guess what will happen? You will discover favor and more importantly a good name in the sight of God and man and what could be better than that?

The Prosperous Life

2007-09-05T21:30:00.000-04:00

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25

Most of us want to be successful, well off, and live the good life. Did you ever consider that the way to accomplish this might not be grabbing all you can, but by giving your way there? Did you consider that the way up the ladder of life might be going outward instead of upward? This seems foreign to us and absolutely contrary to everything we are taught in society. After all, we are taught that we if we do not look out for ourselves, who will?

Jesus mentioned much about giving during his earthly ministry... “Give and it shall be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If someone takes your cloak, give them your tunic too.”( Luke 6:29,31,38)

Jesus talked about a generous lifestyle that many of us shy away from. If we are honest in the deepest part of our beings, we have to admit that when it comes to giving we are often afraid.
Prime Minister Golda Meir once said, “You can’t shake hands with a clinched fist.” When we have a clenched fist approach to life, by holding on tightly to our money, time and possessions, we become the losers. The very thing we desire escapes us. When we have generous spirits, I believe generosity has a way of finding us as well... “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

So, sometimes you just have to start where you are and with what you have in order to cultivate a generous spirit. Giving doesn’t always have to be monetary. How could you make a difference at your work place or in your neighborhood? Can you make a dinner for someone? What about writing a note to your postman or garbage collector? Can you volunteer at a homeless shelter or the Salvation Army or a nursing home? What about getting your kids involved? Can you give up a couple of lattes a month and save money to fund a project your family can get involved in. Let your kids pick it out and save some of their allowance towards it. Check out http://www.kiva.org/ for some great projects to get behind!

Some of the most joyful and content people in our world today are givers. We have seen what society offers - bankruptcy, divorce, suicide, etc. Open up your hands and your hearts to refresh someone else and watch your life take on a new dimension of blessing!

Stress-Free Living

2007-08-02T16:18:00.000-04:00

This month I want to talk about stress-free living. Summer shouldn't be the only time we slow down and smell the roses. Why not make it a lifestyle? How do we do that? Let me suggest four important keys that just might help:

1. Keep it simple!

Our lives are just far too busy at times. We exert so much energy and time trying to please, impress, or keep up with the Jones' that it can get downright crazy at times. Even having someone over for dinner can become a major production. Whatever happened to “just come over and we will grill some hotdogs”?

Okay, time to SIMPLIFY!!! God really does want you to enjoy your life! So why not start today? Ask yourself,"What is the one thing I could let go of today that would make my life a little easier?" Remember life is short so keep it simple!

2. Lighten up!

Not only are we stressed out but we are ridden with anxiety and concern. Just get on a highway and you can tell from the aggressive drivers that people are in a hurry to go - where? Are you a person that is uptight and easily agitated? Maybe it’s time to lighten up!

How long has it been since you really had fun? Fun doesn’t always have to be expensive or elaborate. Time for the kid in you come out! Go ahead and be silly. It’s okay. Rediscover some fun in your life. Sometimes we are just way too serious for our own good. Learn to laugh, even at your mistakes, and not take yourself so seriously. It is true that a merry heart acts like medicine. It is good for the soul. So lighten up!

3. Live in the moment!

If we are not anxious to get to the next place or phase in our life,we are too often bogged down with our past and regrets. It's a new day, a new moment that you will never live again so why not enjoy? Whatever happened to "THIS IS THE DAY that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"?

Your past is history and your future isn’t guaranteed. Why not squeeze the most out of today? Try something new. Go to a different store. Eat at a different restaurant. Speak to a stranger. Pick some flowers! Get creative and enjoy the moment while you can. Don’t live your life with regrets. Enjoy today!

4. Let go and Let God!

Jesus said “My peace I give to you." What a promise! God not only wants us to have joy in this life but peace. The antithesis of stress is peace. What would your life be like if it was peaceful? We are too often carrying things we were never meant to carry. Give over your worries, your anxiety and fear to God. Let go and let God. It’s time for peace!

So what are you waiting for? I believe stress free living can become a way of life as we learn to simplify our lives, lighten up, live more in the moment, give our problems and concerns over to a gracious and loving God.

The Price of Freedom

2007-07-02T21:12:00.000-04:00

As we celebrate the 4th of July with family and friends, we are reminded of the price paid for our freedom. Even now, during the current war in Iraq, we are keenly aware of the tremendous sacrifice that our soldiers and their families make on a daily basis. Freedom is costly. Whether from oppression, abuse, inequality, injustice, hunger or mere survival, the cry for freedom has always been born out of the hearts of those who were willing to give it their all and their life for the cause of freedom. It was this kind of passion that was heard from the lips of Patrick Henry, when this country was started, "I know not what course others may take but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"

Two thousand years ago, there was a greater cry for freedom and it came from the lips of Jesus Christ, as he hung on a Roman cross, crucified between two thieves. His cry was, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Spiritual freedom, eternal freedom was purchased not for a select few, or a nation, but for all of humanity. The price was paid in full through the precious blood of the divine Son of God.

Freedom has a price. It is costly. The question becomes what are you and I doing with our freedom? Has the blood that has been shed for our freedom become blood spilled in vain? Those who have gone before us really do have the right to ask. What have you done with your freedom? Freedom that is not valued, cherished and preserved is freedom that is eventually lost. We do risk becoming slaves again. If our nation does not preserve the freedoms that our forefathers shed their blood for, we become a nation without a compass. Without a sense of history and an appreciation of it, history does repeat itself.

On a spiritual level, the Apostle Paul says it very clearly, "It was for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1 says, “How are you preserving or maintaining your freedom spiritually?” Was Christ's blood shed for you in vain? A tremendous sacrifice was made for you and me to walk in freedom. How could we or why would we dare want to go back into any kind of bondage or slavery? Yet, my friend, when you and I devalue our lives, we are insulting the grace and mercy of God offered in the cross. When we believe that we aren't of any significance and don't matter, then why did He bother to shed His blood for us? When we say that our past or sins are too great, we have now taken God's place and are in essence declaring that the cross isn't good enough or sufficient enough. Paul boldly declares to us to preserve our freedom. Stand firm in it. Don't let anyone or even yourself take it away from you!

This July 4th, we have much to celebrate and be grateful for not only as a nation but as the people of God. A tremendous price has been paid for us to enjoy the liberty and freedoms that we enjoy in our country. Even more awesome is the freedom that is ours as a child of God! Stand fast in it, preserve it, cherish it and you will know the freedom that you were meant to walk and live in.

Filling Up the Love Tank

2007-06-12T11:36:00.001-04:00

In Robert McGee’s “Search for Significance,” I read a survey that was alarming to me. In a recent survey done with Christians attending a Bible conference, 92% admitted that loneliness was a major issue in their life. Most of this concern related to feeling unaccepted and unloved.

Our biggest need as humans is to love and be loved. We go to a lot of trouble to get this love. If we are not overly indulgent in trying to love ourselves and fill our own love tank, we are seeking love and approval from others to fill it. We sacrifice great time, money, energy to make this thing work only too often to come up short or to find the love tank empty after all. What’s the remedy? Maybe we need to hear the words of the Psalmist.

“Satisfy us in the morning with you your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. (Psalms 90:14)

Satisfy us. I am reminded of the lyrics to a Mick Jagger song, “ I can’t get no satisfaction.” How true. Although the ads on TV, and everything around us, promise to give us satisfaction, they somehow just don’t deliver. We need satisfaction and the psalmist has it right. Where do we get it from? Because you and I are spiritual beings, we were made to be filled by the one who made us. We were made to be loved by Him and to in turn love Him. Until we connect with Him, our spirits and souls are barren. I am afraid all that is left are dry crumbs. It’s like living in a dry land where there is no water (sounds like my grass!) and definitely no satisfaction! Need some water for your parched places, need some real satisfaction?

Satisfy us with unfailing love. Unfailing! Really? What does that look like? We are not even sure we know. That sounds awesome but how could it be? All we have ever known are disappointments and failures from others. Unfailing- that sounds like a deal to me in a world where people let us down continually!

In life coaching women, I find one of the big things that women struggle with are relationships. We want to be loved and not only that we want to be liked! The problem comes when our self-esteem or self-worth is wrapped up in being loved or liked by someone else. We might be liked or loved but what have we sacrificed to get it? Was it worth it?

I believe there is a better deal and a better way to fill our love tanks with the real thing, an unfailing, non-ending supply. Hook up your tank to the One who made you. Cry out to Him to fill you up and watch Him satisfy your soul.

The Problem With Assumptions

2007-05-04T19:15:00.000-04:00

One of the things that so often trips us up in effective communication is this thing called assumption. To make an assumption is to form a conclusion about someone or something without evidence or proof. When it comes to people and even environments, we make assumptions almost daily. We are quick to size up people and situations almost immediately and act accordingly. This can be a real problem when it comes to communication and interpersonal relationships. Our assumptions get in the way and cause us to respond in ways that are not always appropriate.

It's not always what it seems or appears to be. For example:

* We see a disheveled person and we assume they are homeless. (Maybe they just having a bad day!)

* We see a person without a wedding ring and assume they are single or divorced. (Maybe they took it off because it doesn't fit any more or to play golf like my husband does.)

* A really tall guy at college must be a basketball player.

* Northerners are unfriendly.

* Southerners are stupid.

* Alice wants some help from her husband Mark with the garage. Mark's former wife nagged him often and was very critical. Alice is simply asking for help but as Alice begins to speak, Mark begins to automatically assume that Alice is going to begin nagging him and criticizing him. Rather than really hear her out, he cuts her off, explodes and walks out. He assumes the worst and doesn't really hear her request.

* A newlywed couple talks about where to spend the holidays. The husband suggests they stay in town. The wife gets defensive and upset because she assumes that he is taking her away from her family. After talking it out, she realizes that he was not trying to take her from her family. She had made an incorrect assumption. Her new husband had his own assumptions. He assumed that his new bride would want to spend their first Christmas holiday together as a couple.

When it comes to relationships, we bring our life experiences to those relationships. It is those life experiences that often affect our perceptions and our view of things. It is these perceptions that can get us into trouble! When we live out of our own perceptions and assumptions, we often fail to see the other person's point of view. We are not open to possibilities. We aren't really listening. We have already formed an opinion and judgment on the matter. In Mark's case, in the illustration above, he had already formed an opinion about Alice based on his former wife. After all, all women are the same right? His response of blowing up was way out of proportion to her request. It's call magnification. He took what would have been a one dollar event and made it a $1,000 event. That is not a great thing to do when it comes to communication.

Also, when we make assumptions, we can get into mind reading. We assume we know how the other person thinks or feels. We also assume they should know what we want and need. When they don't meet our expectations we are totally bent out of shape. Rather than voicing what we need or want to the other person to begin with, we assume they should be able to read our minds. Mind reading isn't helpful for anyone!

When it comes to communication, assumptions do really need to go. The key word here is communication. I believe much can be done on the prevention end before things get heated or become explosive. In communicating, we need to become better listeners and that means listening with all of our senses. We need to listen to what is being said and what is not being said. Both verbal and non-verbal communication is important. If a person isn't raising their voice, then why should we? We need to be fully engaged with the other person with our eyes and ears. We must resist formulating our response or coming to a conclusion before we have thoroughly heard them out. In other words, waiting before the conversation is over before interrupting or injecting our own thoughts. We also have to get better at telling people what we need and want to begin with, and not expect them to assume what we need or want. Most people are not mind readers.

Another helpful way to move past assumptions is to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Ever thought of what they might be thinking, feeling and needing here? Try to see the other person's point of view. Try to see where they are coming from. Try and look for a win-win situation if at all possible.

Finally, the most important question to ask yourself at all times is what am I assuming here? Are my assumptions based on fact or just assumptions? And the next time you find yourself beginning to tense up and react, take a deep breath, stand back a step, and ask yourself the question, "what am I assuming here?" I bet you will see things differently and you might just save yourself from an argument!

Christian Life As I See It

2007-03-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone you met at a social function only to have them discover that you are a Christian or in ministry? I have. Everything was going great in the conversation and then suddenly a mutual friend steps up and interrupts with the words, “did you know” that, Janet is an ordained minister? Suddenly the conversation immediately changes. The person that you were talking to now freezes up, apologizes for everything they might have said in the past 10 minutes, looks awkward and begins to withdraw or quietly dismisses themself.

Why has the word "Christian" or anything associated with it gotten such a bad rap these days? Why are Christians no longer looked up to or respected in our society? Maybe a good place to seek the answer is to take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror. It seems to me, that of all people on the face of the earth, Christians, or "believers” should be some of the most vibrant people around. We should be joyous people full of life. After all, we really do have something to celebrate! Yet, the truth is we often come across more like doubters, worriers and complainers than "believers." If you are happy, as the expression goes, why don't you let your face know it? Christians should be the very people that others are seeking out and asking, can you please tell me how I can get what you have and not how can I get away from you.

So what has happened? Where have we gone wrong? Why do people run from us? Could it be that we have become a little too good at pointing the finger and declaring what we are "against" rather than what we are "for"? Have we become so religious and pious that we are no earthly good? I don't believe we were ever called to be “religious” or to "segregate" ourselves in "Christian clubs." In fact it was the "religious" leaders of Jesus’ day that Jesus most disputed and stayed at odds with. I don't think holiness ever has or will mean weirdness or strangeness. Holiness means being set apart for God and having God's interest and purpose at heart. Holiness is an internal work in our hearts and character. It is much more about a life changed from the inside out than any external list of do's and don'ts. Obviously if the sinners, publicans and tax collectors and rift raft of his day were comfortable with Jesus, we must be missing something here!

As I talk with women in life coaching, I often talk about the law of attraction. In essence, you really will attract what you think and believe about yourself. Most of us do give off a vibe whether we realize or not and people are reading our mail, if you will, daily. A good question to ask ourselves, is not only what we are attracting into our lives but are we "attractive" to others? Do others want what we have? Do they even want to be around us? Is there anything about our lives that reflects love, goodness, gentleness, kindness and peace? Are we lovers of men? Do we really love people and care about them? Most people know when we are genuinely sincere or not. It's not hard to spot a phony. On the flip side, I have never seen condemnation or judgment win over a person for long. When love is real and genuine who can resist it? It's simply irresistible! The question is, are you and I "irresistible"?

So the way I see it, even though Valentines’ Day has long come and gone; real love is never seasonal. In fact I believe the world is looking for the real deal. They are dying for it! If Christians have been called to be salt and light and to make a difference in this world, then maybe it’s time our demeanor, and more importantly our actions look like we have something to offer!"

Renew Your Thinking, Renew Your Life

2007-01-24T01:10:00.000-05:00

On the first day of a new year, we make all kinds of resolutions about things that we are going to change and do differently. While all of our intention and effort is certainly good and noble, maybe it's a little backwards in it's approach. Maybe we are getting the cart before the horse. Rather than behaving our way into change, maybe we need to re-think our way into personal success!

Why do I say this? Many years ago, James Allen wrote the very popular book, "As A Man Thinketh." In this book he states, "All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts." That's a very powerful statement! We are as far in life as we are because of our thoughts. In fact, a person can never act outside of their beliefs. If you want to change your behavior, you must first analyze it backwards. You have to go back to what you believe, because what you believe determines what you think about; and ultimately what you think about affects your emotions. Once your emotions get involved behavior soon follows. If you believe a lot of things that are not true, your emotions and behavior will ultimately reflect that!

I believe James Allen was probably influenced by the Apostle Paul. Paul wrote in the 12th chapter of Romans (NIV Bible), "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing your mind." Basically Paul says you if you want to be transformed then renew your mind. What does it mean to have your mind renewed? Actually the word renewal or renewing here means “being made over”. It's like having a mental make-over, if you will. Do you want to achieve a desired behavior? Then you must first change how you think. If you change your perspective, the way you think about things, you will change your life. Renew your thinking, renew your life! You and I could sure use an extreme makeover of our thoughts daily!

You may be saying to yourself, “I still don't see what all of this have to do with New Year's resolutions?” It's very important because, on any given day, all kinds of negative thoughts and destructive self-talk assaults your mind. Did you know that most people entertain about 600 negative thoughts a day? That's a lot of negative influence! That's a lot of pressure that’s fighting good intentions. In fact most of us, by the age of six, have learned enough trash to mentally do us in for life. We have learned all sorts of lies that our society, friends and families have told us or modeled for us. These lies have become recordings that play non-stop in our sub-conscious minds. We adopt them as true and they become the life message and creed that we live by, almost unconsciously.

For example, what happens to your resolve to loose weight, when you get into a fight with your spouse? In a split second, after the yelling, you are pulling food out of the refrigerator and binging. Where did that come from? You just reacted without giving it a thought. Then you rationalize, "Well, I'm not good at dieting anyway so why bother” and you throw in the towel. What happened to your resolve?

I believe if we want renewal, or being made over in our life, we are going to have to do some introspection. What do I really believe? If food is the issue, what is my perspective about food and why do I turn to it? How do I view myself in the first place? Most importantly, what is the truth that I should believe? What does God think about me?

Not long ago, one of my clients did want to get a handle on her eating. She had undergone gastric bypass surgery and had lost a tremendous amount of weight but her eating habits had not changed. I thought it was an unusual coaching request, but why not? If I really believed that people acted out of their beliefs, then why wouldn't it work here? So we began to examine why she was eating in the first place. She had devalued her self-worth because of some abandonment issues from her past. Her eating was a form of self-love and comfort. So, she made a conscious decision to reject the lies that she had believed about her value. She began to believe the truth that God could not only change her, but loved her unconditionally on a personal level. She was determined to challenge her negative thinking patterns, especially the way she thought about herself. She began to talk to herself (faith comes by hearing) and tell herself the truth. She would write love notes to herself from God and daily affirmations on her mirrors. She would tell herself the truth over and over. She would consciously become aware of her negative thought patterns in various situations and work on changing her self-talk. She began to visualize herself as loved, valued and healthy. My client was renewing her mind, just as the Apostle Paul had said. Her change did not happen overnight, but I did see her change. She began to be transformed before my eyes because she began to believe the truth! She experienced tremendous changes in her eating habits and desires.

When it comes down to it, resolve and commitment are great, but if we don’t take the time to discover why we do the things we do, we might as well just keep repeating history. We don’t need to reform the old as much as we need to walk out our new identity as believers! If you will take the time to change your thinking, you will change your life. Renew, or makeover your thinking with the truth, and you will ultimately renew your emotions and most importantly your quality of life. It is really true that our life will go in the direction our thoughts take us.

What Is In Your Hand?

2007-01-17T16:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we want to do or be something great or grand in life. We want to make or leave our mark in this world, and yet, it is often the small things done in great love that have changed the world. The small things we do on a daily basis, the gifts we use, simple acts of kindness we perform do add up. They do make a difference. As Mother Theresa once said, "we can do no great things; only small things with great love." Do you believe that small things done in great love will change the world? I do.

Remember the story of the Exodus? God had just announced to Moses that he is the one selected to rescue his people from the harsh rule of Pharaoh. Moses is completely stunned and argues that God has somehow made a terrible mistake. Who me? Wait a minute! Have you heard me speak? Have you forgotten? I don't speak very well, but more importantly, what if they don't believe me. The Lord's response back to Moses was in the form of a question. "What's in your hand"? Moses had a rod in his hand. Basically the Lord told him to use what he had in his hand. He asked him to throw the rod on the ground and it became a snake. The rest is history. Moses was willing to use what he had. You see, I believe Moses had to use what was in his hand before God would release what was in His. What's in your hand? Are you using what's in your hand?

What about the time when Jesus asked his disciples to feed a multitude of five thousand people and they basically in so many words said “with what”? All they had were a few fish and barley loaves. Yet Jesus took what they had fed a multitude of people and even had leftovers!

Are you waiting for a miracle? Ever considered you may be part of it? God is waiting for you to do your part. Waiting for your special break, your moment in the spotlight? Waiting for everything to line up in your situation or circumstances before you make your big splash? Do what you can today. What’s in your hand? Start where you are. Are you using what you have? Are you doing what you can today?

I read a great story in a book by Kim George about a developmentally challenged young man who had a job bagging groceries. He decided to cut up inspirational quotes and placed them in the grocery bags. Not only did it impact people, but long lines of people formed just to have him bag their groceries. Wow, who said a small act can't make a big difference? Who said a small act can't even lead to greatness?

What's in your hand my friend? What gifts do you possess? Are you using them? What simple act of kindness could you give someone today? What kind word or deed could you do? How can you make a difference in someone's life today with what you have to offer, with what’s in your hand? Don't be guilty of thinking the small things you do don't matter or count for anything. Use what’s in your hand. Do the possible and watch God do the impossible!

A Time For Wisdom

2007-01-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

Nobody likes to be told what to do. My husband calls it nagging. Why is it that we are so often quick to give advice or suggestions how something should be done, but aren't real good at taking other's suggestions or viewpoints. When I look at my life I have to acknowledge that I am not always quick to take advice nor do I particularly enjoy others trying to give me their advice or opinion; however, if I am really honest, this is nothing more than pride. It's the attitude that I somehow know better or have it together!

One day a pearl of wisdom hit me right between the eyes. I was listening to a talk by Andy Andrews on this subject. He basically related that we have only gotten as far in life as our own wisdom and decisions have carried us. So here's the thing, if you aren't happy with your life or are dissatisfied with your progress, could it be because your own limited understanding, thinking and experitse have taken you there? Think about it. You are as far in life as your own wisdom has carried you!

As I think about this New Year I realize that what I need is not more resolve or resolutions. What I need is more wisdom. My own wisdom or lack of it has often failed me. I believe the writer of Proverbs says it so well…

"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." (Proverbs 13:10 - NIV)

"For waging war you need guidance and for victory many advisors." (Proverbs 24:6 - NIV)

True wisdom says somebody else might know more or do something better than me. A wise person is one who is open to suggestions and advice. A wise person is one who is open to objectivity and not just to the limits of their own subjectivity. Maybe the questions we need to ask ourselves are not just how can we do this better but what can we learn from others who have gone before us and are doing it successfully.

What about the weaknesses that we are not in touch with, the things that are glaring for everyone else except us? Many people that we rub shoulders with on a daily basis, our friends, colleagues and family, often know us better than we know ourselves. What would it be like to ask a trusted friend or colleague what they think our weaknesses and strengths are or what we could improve? That might be a frightening proposition to you. Take a risk. You might learn something about yourself that you weren't in touch with.

During the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln got into a dispute with his Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton. Lincoln had signed an order to transfer a regiment of soldiers from one battlefield to another. Stanton refused to comply with the orders and called Lincoln a "fool". Lincoln's response was very interesting. Rather than getting angered or stubbornly maintaining his position, he responded, "If Stanton said I'm a fool, then I must be one. He is nearly always right in military matters. I'll step over and find out what his reasoning his." Not only did President Lincoln listen to good advice and wisdom, but he prevented a military disaster from occurring.

Let me encourage you in this New Year to be a person who is open to wisdom. I believe wisdom is the roadmap to success. Why spend frustrating hours attempting to do or accomplish something only to have it fail. Ask God for wisdom. Seek it out. Learn all you can. Become a student. Ask others for their counsel. Seek out a mentor or two. If you will become a person who desires wisdom, you will not only have more victories and successes in your life, but will no doubt avoid some major pitfalls and wrong turns that you simply do not need to take!

The Gift of Joy

2006-11-30T21:13:00.000-05:00

I am really a kid at heart. I love the sights and sounds of Christmas. In fact when I go home to visit my family in Richmond, one of the things we like to do as family is to load up in the car and go on the “tacky house tour”. You know those are the houses that have everything in the yard from E.T. to Superman to Santa Claus. What other time of the year can you see such amazing sights and have the whole world drive up and down your street, tie up traffic for hours, and your neighbors still speak to you! Amazing! Christmas does seem to bring out the best in all of us. It is a season of joy and goodwill.

Yet, I am aware that for many, Christmas is not a joyful time. It is a sad time, a difficult and even lonely time. Statistics show that it is one of the most depressing and even violent times of the year. The truth is no amount of E.T.s, Santas on the lawn, turkey, or tinsel can ease the pain when you have lost a loved one or are going through a difficult experience in your life. There has got to be something more. What is it? Let me suggest to you that it is joy.

We too often get happiness and joy confused. Happiness is contingent upon circumstances or events and joy is something much deeper than that. When the angel of the Lord appeared to some very frightened shepherds, the news wasn’t about happiness. It was news about joy. Joy can come even when things don’t look great and times are hard. In fact, joy can even show up in the most unexpected times and places. That’s what happened when the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds. The message of good news couldn’t have come at a darker time in history. The economy of that day was burdened by welfare and heavy taxes. Moral decay abounded and even religious observances had become political.

Joy is something I believe God has wanted us to experience from the very first Christmas until now. Joy, His joy! Did you know that the word joy appears in the Bible 200 times? There is no doubt in my mind that joy is important to God. The Bible even declares that God Himself sings or rejoices over you and I. You see, I believe we are the objects of His joy. You and I are what He takes pleasure in and delights in.

You know when you love someone it’s just hard to keep it to yourself. I have to say at Christmas time my husband is terrible about keeping secrets. When he is excited about his gift, he becomes just like a little kid. He can’t wait to give it to me or to tell me what it is. I hardly ever make it to Christmas without opening my present because he gives it away literally. I always get it ahead! I believe in a real way that’s what happened two thousand years ago. God could not contain His joy and delight over you and I another second. He had to shout from heaven that we were the object of His affection and joy!

Can you imagine what must have been going on in the heart of God before the angel made that announcement? The anticipation, the excitement! I can, almost in my mind’s eye, see the Father peering over the portals of heaven so excited to share the news. He was about to give His very precious gift. It was not any gift, but His best gift, the gift of His Son to a hurting and dying world. “Therefore, the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel, God with us.”

Now I have to say, what can be better than that? Immanuel has come. God is with us! The creator of heaven and earth is with us! Immanuel, God with us in our darkness, confusion and pain. The One who would walk this journey before us and struggle with every pain and temptation. The One who knows our frailty and weaknesses has come not to condemn us but to light our way, to carry our burden, to give us a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, and to turn our sorrow and mourning into joy.

The prophet Isaiah said it so well, approximately 900 years before the birth of Christ. “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as men rejoice when dividing the plunder…. For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:2-6)

I hope this Christmas season you will be blessed with friends and family and all the special joys of the season, but even if you are alone or far away from home, may you hear once again the good news that the angel declared. “Behold, I bring you good news of great joy which shall be for all the people.” It’s good news of joy because Immanuel has come. God with us! In my mind, it really doesn’t get much better than that!

Removing Life's Clutter

2006-11-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

I love the Fall, the crispness of the air, the beautiful colors in God's creation, but I also realize with the Fall comes clean-up! I keep looking at the leaves in my yard and realize that if we don't get them up soon they may just overtake the yard! How often do our lives become cluttered with unnecessary businesses, events or situations that drain us and at times overwhelm us. It doesn't take long to feel cluttered and bogged down. Maybe it's time for a little Fall cleaning. Let me ask you some simple questions. What can you let go of? What can you eliminate from your schedule? Anything? What can you discard from your life right now? What is important and what is not so important right now? How could your daily life run more efficiently? Are you trying to do it all? Do you need to ask for help? What would make things easier for you? Without evaluation and reflection, we just keep on keeping on with the same old thing and wonder why we are so tired and run down and overtaken by the demands of life.

Let me throw out some suggestions that might be helpful. First, prioritize. What is important? What can simply wait until another day? The one thing that I frequently hear from women is there are not enough hours in a day. Reality is that everyone has the same amount of time in a day. If I am a stay at home mom, I can clean my entire house today or I can clean my bathroom and tackle another cleaning project on another day. It won't go anywhere. If I clean just my bathroom, I may have more time for myself or family that I might not have had. Either way, a task at a time, the house does eventually get cleaned. What's more important?

Second, organize. Organization includes having a place for things, and it also includes having a schedule to live by. Nothing is worse than trying to find your car keys when you are in a panic to get out the door. Can you put your hands on important documents at a moment's notice? Do you know where things are? Taking the time to organize usually alleviates a lot of stress because we know where things are and can access them quickly.

What about a schedule? Many times the day spins by us and we don't know what happened. All the things we intended to do simply don't get done. Schedules keep us focused and on track. Without it, the following can occur. Sally calls for a spontaneous lunch. You drop everything to go and then get behind on some things you really needed to do. As a result, you stay up late to catch up with your work and miss a good night of sleep. It's not that the social event wasn't important, but at the time it wasn't a priority for the day. A schedule would have allowed you to realize today wasn't the greatest day for a social lunch.

Third, eliminate. What can you eliminate from your life? What can you let go of? Are you too busy? Do you have time for your family? Do you have time for you? Are you on your schedule each week? What are you doing for yourself on a weekly basis that is life giving to you? I don't believe we were put on this earth to be self-absorbed, “me first” people. Real joy and satisfaction comes in life when we give and serve others; however, I don't believe God intends us to serve everyone else until we are depleted of all energy and joy. If you don't take time for you, you will eventually get stressed out and burned out!

What can you do for yourself this week that is simply fun or relaxing for you? What gives you life? Do you know? For every woman it is different. For some, it's a long bath with candles. For others, it's hanging out with girlfriends or pursuing a hobby. Whatever it is, are you pursuing it intentionally? Do you have you on your day-timer or schedule? As women, we are often great at care-taking, but not so good at taking care of ourselves. Everybody else comes first and we are last on the list. If you don't become intentional about making time for you, then trust me you will get lost in the shuffle. After all, aren't you as important as your family, friends, and those you care about? If you are not nurtured and strengthened, what good are you to anyone else? When you carve out some time for you, you become refreshed and life looks so much better! What can you eliminate from your schedule so you have time for you?

Finally, what relationships do you need to consider distancing yourself from? Do you have more negative relationships than positive? Are you weighed down with too many toxic relationships? How could you change this in your life? Are there relationships that you need to eliminate because they are destructive and unhealthy? Have you created an unhealthy dependence? How could you go about finding positive and uplifting people to begin to associate with? There is a time for ministry and a time for healthy friends that you can laugh and have a good time with. Even Jesus didn't go around every waking hour ministering to and healing people. Where is the balance in your life?

Fall is a great time to do some deep cleaning. Will you take the time to do some soul searching about your life? What do you need to give priority to right now? What is really important to you in this season of life? How can you organize your life so that there is time for the things that are really important to you, yourself included? What and who can you distance yourself from so you have more freedom to be you and to pursue your dreams.

I think if you will take the time to remove the clutter from your life, your life will take on new color and vibrancy just like this beautiful Fall season.

It Is Your Choice

2006-10-17T12:39:00.000-04:00

Before you hit the ground running today, you made several choices. You decided what to wear and even whether to eat or not. You even decided if you were going to have a good or bad day. Life is full of choices that we make on a daily basis. In fact, the most powerful thing we possess is the ability to decide. As humans we possess this great gift of having a free will. It can get us in trouble, but it also can lead us into life giving possibilities.

We are seldom without options or choices in this life. Even a person in prison can make decisions about how they will handle that experience. Their physical body may be confined but their mind and soul are not. Many times I hear, "well if the circumstances were different, I would do this and that.” Too often circumstances become an excuse for not taking action. Even in the worst of circumstances, there are still options and creative solutions, if you will look for them. Sometimes all you need is a new idea. There are even choices to make about how you will respond mentally and emotionally to your circumstances.

If your circumstances have limited your options, maybe it's time to consider how you can change your options. Is there something you can do? Maybe you can’t do or accomplish the big thing that is needed overnight, but maybe you could take small steps in the right direction. What small changes could you make to improve your present circumstances? What choices could you make from this day forward that would enhance your life, take your life in a better direction?

No one, my friend, can limit or take away your ability to decide or choose but you! You always have the freedom to make your own decisions. You and you alone have the power to decide how you will think, feel and act about anything that you are going through. You can see yourself as a victim of your past or present circumstances or you can see yourself as an overcomer. It really is your choice. You can decide it's a new day and then consciously move in a different direction or you can do the same thing you have always done and expect different results. Wasn't that Einstein's definition of insanity? Don’t forget! A decision not to do something is still a decision. No decision is still a decision!

When you and I realize that we have the power to choose, we begin to take personal responsibility for our lives. We get in the driver's seat and that's a great place to be when it comes to your own life. When we take personal responsibility for our lives, great freedom comes to us. As one person told me recently, "When I finally realized that I am the one responsible for my life and my decisions, I found new freedom. I can't tell you how liberating this has been for me!" YES IT IS! When we take personal responsibility for our lives, we move out of the "blame game”. We realize we are where we are in life and who we have become because of our choices!

I love this quote by Marilyn Ferguson, "Your past is not your potential. In any hour you can choose to liberate the future." So why not liberate your future today? You can choose to have a new future by new decisions you make today! The choice is all yours!

Don't Live Your Life Unplugged

2006-09-27T16:07:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had good intentions only to not follow through? Ever started out on a new goal only to give out of gas after a only short time?

A common mistake we all make is to underestimate our own lack of strength, wisdom or creativity. We really believe we are a lot stronger and wiser than we are. We really believe we can do it by ourselves or handle things on our own. It seems ridiculous that we would "try" to live the Christian life in our "own" strength or resourcefulness. Jesus said, "Apart from Me, you can do nothing." Yet, we persist to do it our way as if we know better.

For example, we make it a goal to change certain behaviors or habits. We begin our journey of "self-discipline" only to fail after a short time. When we fail, we say to ourselves, "I will try harder next time". The hard core reality is that even the most disciplined and strong willed among us will eventually run out of steam at some point. A good battery will eventually die without a new one. A light that isn't plugged into the source simply will not burn. Doesn't it make sense that the One who made us would have a better idea about how our lives should go?

Despite our best attempts, I do not believe God intended for you and I to live life out of our own wisdom and strength. He does offer a better way and have a better plan for us than we can imagine. A very basic question we need to ask ourselves on a frequent basis is have we included God in our plans and goals? It seems simple enough, but it's really true. What does God think about the direction that we are headed in our lives? Does it ever occur to us that the One who made us might have a better idea of what we would be good at?

If God made you to be a square peg and you are trying to fit into a round hole, you are not going to enjoy that ride. Ever heard the expression, “Where God guides, He provides.”? It's really true. Sometimes our frustration comes from developing plans and goals that do not fit within our values, gifts or purpose. We are trying to be someone and do something that we simply aren’t wired to do.

The longer I live, I see my increasing need for God's wisdom, power, revelation, and truth in my life. I am very aware that, when left to my own good intentions and inventions, my life will only get so far. I believe when you and I plug into God on a regular basis, the "light" goes on in our life. His power intensifies in our life. His illumination intensifies in our life. God begins to give us insight into our lives. Not only do we get a clearer perspective about our lives, but our belief systems are challenged, refined, and strengthened. We begin to get new kinds of desires and motivations. We begin to be possibility thinkers because God is a possibility thinker. We begin to believe it can be done because God says it can be done. We have a stronger will to do things we probably wouldn't do on your own.

Remember those goals I talked about in the beginning? Well, the good news is that when we are plugged into the Source of life, even our failures and shortcomings are an opportunity to learn and gain new perspective. Have a failure, a blow up or a burn out? Plug back into the power Source!

The Apostle Paul declared that, even in his weaknesses, he could get excited or boast because in those weaknesses he got to see God show up and manifest His power. Ever felt like a failure lately? Well, God wants to show up and demonstrate His power in a new way in your life. God wants to give you new perspective, change your direction, and give you new truth about who you are as His creation.

In my opinion, the good news is that you and I don't have to do this thing called "life" on our own! Maybe, instead of more effort, we need more connection. Instead of trying harder, we need to learn to let go and trust more. Plug into the power Source. Get to know the One who created you. Lean on His wisdom and strength. Open your heart to the One who wants to give you His heart and perspective on your life. Let Him reveal new truths to you through His Word. Let Him begin to place His desires and dreams for you into your heart and life. Ask Him for the power to do what you could never do on your own! Don’t try to live your life unplugged.